Mi Vita

My life doesn't make sense apart from God.

Orientation Part 2

I only have three classmates today. I wonder what happened to the other attendees who signified to join. And I wonder if I become a guide mysef if I will lose interest or motivation when the participants don't feel like attending or participating anymore.

The good thing about the small size is I get to share more of myself. Even my mom knows that I thrive in small groups.

I realized during the session today (through one of the prayers) that I cannot save the entire world. I have to curb the messianic complex in me. And I have to surrender my entire life to Christ yet again-- all aspects of my life.

Reflection Questions

*Questions to ponder on:
1. Is praying hard or easy?
2. Have you experienced existential emptiness or vacuum?

Praying is both hard and easy for me. Praying is hard when it is not yet part of one's system. Hard when the heart is in chaos and not at peace. Hard whenever I run or turn away from God. Whenever I hide from His face. Whenever I have tampuhan with Him. Hard when He doesn't seem to be listening. Harder when He is silent or hiding His face from me. But the truth is, no matter how I feel about God, it is not He who distanced Himself from me but the other way around. Praying is easy when it has become a habit. It can be like oxygen for some people. You cannot live without it. Praying is a way to communicate and develop an intimate relationship with God; praying is a way to enter His presence, to connect with Him soul to soul, just as having conversations with one's OTL.

I have experienced the existential vacuum once in a while. St. Augustine even aptly puts it into writing, "Our hearts are restless until they rest in Thee." God created a vacuum in our hearts that only He can fill. But there came some points in my life when I still feel the emptiness even though I am very near God and actively serving in Church. Maybe because I inadvertently got drowned in all my services at the expense of my personal relationship with God. Or I have put other gods before Him.

I am sorry for the times I hurt You, Lord.

PLW Cycle 4 1st Session

A silent vow to myself: I will strive to attend all the 15 sessions for my last cycle as a student of prayer and life...

Notes from my first Filipino session. I had to instantly translate some words to English inside my head to understand them better:
Para maunawaan ang buhay, dapat itong maranasan.
Matutong manalangin habang nananalangin.
Hihilumin ng PLW ang sugat sa puso mo, patatahimikin ang kaguluhan ng kaluluwa, tatanggalin nito ang iyong kalungkutan.
The PLW guides have to be loyal to the manual so that the glory of God will surface; their humility tested.
Prayer is not an exchange of words but establishing a rapport.
Prayer doesn't always need words.
Praying is putting yourself in the presence of God.
The human sickness is continuing loneliness because of lack.
You have everything but you lack everything.
There's an endless well in you which cannot be filled.
Who will fill the lack? Only God!
How? Through prayers.
Do the silencing exercise (pagasanay sa pananahimik) to remove tension and enter into the presence of God.
Silence is not prayer but preparation for prayer.
The God of Peace will calm us, our fears and worries.
Jesus is in your midst knocking at your doors.

*Questions to ponder on:
1. Is praying hard or easy?
2. Have you experienced existential emptiness or vacuum?

My Application Letter

Sharing my application letter last November 26. Short and direct to the point, I hope.

I am writing to apply as a PLW guide not because I had attended the workshops thrice already, but because of the desire God planted in my heart when I first attended one of the sessions. Even though my personality doesn't fit a missionary because of my innate introversion and resistance to changes, I am saying yes to God as an act of obedience because the PLW Workshops coincide with the LOJC's (Light of Jesus Community) mission of making disciples for Christ.